Looking back over the years through pictures is a wonderful way to remember who you are as a result of the relationships you keep.  The photo upper left is of myself with my brothers and sisters (I'm the shortest on the right).  The other pictures are of the Hospice Inpatient Care Center and my co workers.    The odd part is while I have extensive family I am closest to my husband and then to my hospice family, those who I worked with side by side as we walked with others on the pathways at the end of life.  Each of my brothers and sisters have followed their hearts, married wonderful spouses, and are extremely busy with their children and grand children's lives and events.  Their families are blossoming.  Their stories are wrapped up with love despite the busy events that consume their daily lives with family celebrations.  The physical distance (California, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey from Florida) is minimized by the photographs their children share on Facebook.


What makes a family strong?  The bonds that are in the heart, the trust in the care that is administered.  These I treasure deeply.  When I look to the faces of my hospice family, I see the endless hours of patiently holding the dying person's hand or cradling them in our arms as they traveled their journey.  Those moments are the moments that bring me closest to the Blessed Mother's love and how she cradled Jesus as an infant, as a child who needed love and consolation, and at the foot of Jesus' cross, as she stood unable to hold his hand until this lifeless body was placed into her arms when he was taken from the cross.  Hospice has strengthened my Catholic faith.   When I doubted where I should be in my nursing career, my dying patient instructed me, "This is the work you're to do and you are never to question it again."


The aftermath of the car accident has robbed me of my nursing, as I walk with a cane and have continuous back pain in addition to my unsteady gait.  How I miss my hospice family and the Care Center!!!  How I miss nursing itself!!  Recently, a three-day EEG test revealed seizure activity and I was started on oral medication.  My physical abilities have not changed, but perhaps with guided physical therapies through my neurologist I hope to maintain my physical strength (without further decline).  I often wonder if all these changes since the car accident have become the journey to go home to God the Father.  If it is, I pray for the direction, love, and support that I will need along the way.  I continue to offer my discomforts to Jesus at the foot of the cross and recognize this as my first step to go home.  Whatever else is to come, I hope I will receive as part of my journey.


My precious Redeemer, Jesus, thank you for your cross, a place of refuge for me.  Blessed Holy Spirit, guide me on this journey and remain close to me, even if I cannot feel your presence.  Dearest God the Father, some day I will stand before you and hope you will be pleased with me despite my weaknesses.