Another Death

Another friend from Hospice buried her daughter last week . . . and she was non responsive from a major seizure never regaining consciousness.  How dreadful to bury a 30 year old !  The answers are not there as to the whys (why her?  why now?  why at this age?) including the whys that are without description . . .
I am without words . .. .  Yet, I know that my Redeemer lives.

The Good Samaritan

So many times all of us have heard about the Good Samaritan story and know that there is a law also named the Good Samaritan Law (protecting any individual who stops at an accident on the roadway from any litigation. Now, I will provide a new slant on the story, something which I have just heard which has endeared the Good Samaritan ever more to me.


As the bible story tells us, a man was beaten and robbed, and left on the side of the road to die.  Passing by were two individuals who did not stop to help the man.  Then, a Samaritan came by, and seeing the man in the ditch beaten robbed (probably near death), he stopped to help the man. He wrapped up the man's wounds after using oil and wine.  Then, he carried the man to a nearby inn.  The Samaritan gave money to the inn keeper with instructions to care for the man, and if it cost more to tend to the beaten man, the Samaritan would provide reimbursement to the inn keeper.  Of course the Bible story clearly has a question posed by Jesus, 'who provided compassion for the man' . . .   and now a twist in the end of the story . . .


Each of us have been robbed and beaten by Satan throughout our lives.  We are near death, without hope.  Coming our way is the Good Samaritan.  It is Jesus. He is moved with compassion to clean our wounds (by the Sacrament of Anointing the Sick).  He places oil (the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Sacrament of Baptism, the Sacrament of Confirmation) and wine (the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist) into our wounds.  Jesus then wraps each of  them (forgiveness) and  He restores us from death (from Jesus carrying and dying on the cross).  He has redeemed each of  us with His love for us that we many not be separated from God in the end of our lives.  


Yet, the story is not finished because Jesus adds one thing more.  He instructs his follows to go out, and do the same for others (through the Sacrament of Baptism,  the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist, the  Sacrament of Confirmation, the Sacrament of Holy Orders, the Sacrament of Matrimony, and  the Sacrament of the Sick).  God loves us that much that He became the Good Samaritan to us, moved with compassion for us as we lay beaten, robbed, and near death.  Through the Holy Spirit, we are able to move forward . . . to be a Samaritan to another. 

Looking back over the years through pictures is a wonderful way to remember who you are as a result of the relationships you keep.  The photo upper left is of myself with my brothers and sisters (I'm the shortest on the right).  The other pictures are of the Hospice Inpatient Care Center and my co workers.    The odd part is while I have extensive family I am closest to my husband and then to my hospice family, those who I worked with side by side as we walked with others on the pathways at the end of life.  Each of my brothers and sisters have followed their hearts, married wonderful spouses, and are extremely busy with their children and grand children's lives and events.  Their families are blossoming.  Their stories are wrapped up with love despite the busy events that consume their daily lives with family celebrations.  The physical distance (California, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey from Florida) is minimized by the photographs their children share on Facebook.


What makes a family strong?  The bonds that are in the heart, the trust in the care that is administered.  These I treasure deeply.  When I look to the faces of my hospice family, I see the endless hours of patiently holding the dying person's hand or cradling them in our arms as they traveled their journey.  Those moments are the moments that bring me closest to the Blessed Mother's love and how she cradled Jesus as an infant, as a child who needed love and consolation, and at the foot of Jesus' cross, as she stood unable to hold his hand until this lifeless body was placed into her arms when he was taken from the cross.  Hospice has strengthened my Catholic faith.   When I doubted where I should be in my nursing career, my dying patient instructed me, "This is the work you're to do and you are never to question it again."


The aftermath of the car accident has robbed me of my nursing, as I walk with a cane and have continuous back pain in addition to my unsteady gait.  How I miss my hospice family and the Care Center!!!  How I miss nursing itself!!  Recently, a three-day EEG test revealed seizure activity and I was started on oral medication.  My physical abilities have not changed, but perhaps with guided physical therapies through my neurologist I hope to maintain my physical strength (without further decline).  I often wonder if all these changes since the car accident have become the journey to go home to God the Father.  If it is, I pray for the direction, love, and support that I will need along the way.  I continue to offer my discomforts to Jesus at the foot of the cross and recognize this as my first step to go home.  Whatever else is to come, I hope I will receive as part of my journey.


My precious Redeemer, Jesus, thank you for your cross, a place of refuge for me.  Blessed Holy Spirit, guide me on this journey and remain close to me, even if I cannot feel your presence.  Dearest God the Father, some day I will stand before you and hope you will be pleased with me despite my weaknesses. 

Hot Potato Salad?

Yesterday morning, the ham was baking almost 3 hours with barbecue sauce on it.  Since I had an excess of potatoes, I cooked them in their skins, and when finished, retrieved them from the hot water, placing them into a large bowl.  With the rest of the meal ready, the potatoes were quickly cut up into irregular shapes (skins on). The small amount of mayonnaise in the jar was combined with the remaining liquid and spices from Bread n  Butter pickles.  Shaking it well to make the sauce for my potato salad, I poured it over the chopped green pepper and chopped celery. It looked like "soup".  Slowly the potato salad was gently tossed.... then placed on the table.
Never in a million years would I have made hot/warm potato salad....but YUM!!!!!!!!!

Makes me think about my present situation, as never in a million years would I think I would  be walking forever with a cane, have cataracts in both eyes, and be only able to work as a registration clerk part time.  The bonus of such changes?  Well, I work with a caring group of women who each work hard and are dedicated to doing a complete job of taking care of the customer as well as respecting each other.  The cane as made me appreciate what I still can do, and both Golden Retrievers have identified when I need their assistance and come running quickly without being called to help.  The reduction in income to one quarter of what I was making two years ago has made me look at everything else differently, with utilizing what I have already and much creative cooking
(as above).

Thank you, Lord, for all my blessings of today, of things taken for granted, of blessings in the past.  Allow my eyes and my heart to receive all future gifts of friendship and love as in the spirit it is given.  Thank you for slowing me down, so I can focus more on my destiny with you.  Thank you for our nation, my husband, our home, our dogs, the ability to have a roof over our heads and food on the table. Amen.

Until the Sea Parts Again

At the end of August, 2008 the collection of photographs from my parents life together were shabby.  With my digital camera, I tried to capture as many as possible.  It felt overwhelming but soothing in some fashion. I had no idea when the capturing of photos would conclude.  Yet, when the closing moments came in the early hours of morning, I felt like the photograph sea had parted, bringing my inner core to the surface.

Through out my life I have had similar situations, where I experienced oceans of sadness, or heartache, or changes to life or lifestyle.  The above picture was taken in a section of Philadelphia in a community that was to be swallowed by the construction of I-95.  The steps to our porch were of wood, but we had a little patch of green in front of the house, enclosed by a wrought iron gate.  The heat was provided by a coal stove in the basement, and the coal was in a large pile near the stove.  We had one bathroom with two adults and five children to share in its' use.  We had three bedrooms, and  slept in double beds.  In this home, I felt secure and safe.  In this community I was slowly finding myself, until we had to move to another neighborhood.... a place with better opportunities for all.  I was not old enough to ask my classmates for their addresses to keep in touch.  Their names are just names in my head.  However, the change prepared me for all the changes that would happen in my future.

Now, at 62 the changes still come, and I wait for the sea to part again (giving me a safe landing somewhere along the shore of life).  My companion through everything has been by faith in God.  Sometimes my actions were not very Christian, leaving me with bewilderment and anxiety.  Many more times my actions allowed me to walk journeys within another person's sorrow (as I was a Hospice RN), or within a person's joy (as a friend or sister/daughter/aunt), or with another person's understanding and comprehension (as I taught them as their primary RN).  

My parents empowered me by being excellent role models, even though we differed in opinion at times. They had so many road blocks as they journeyed through life.  The sea would part as they rejoiced in my brother's graduation from medical school, with my sister's four sons, with my older brother's two daughters, with my older sister's second marriage and graduation from college, and with my becoming a nurse, and finally happily married.   What happened in between were the waves of laundry, cooking, working, cleaning, home improvements, planning how to stretch the money to cover the budget, and so much more.  The love they shared was the life raft that kept them afloat despite each challenge.  Their love was genuine, and visible to all of us just as their commitment to God and the Catholic faith.  That was their legacy to us.  It was that life raft that they shared with us that still has room to carry me safely until the sea parts again.

Shop Early

In six months it will be Christmas, with everyone too exhausted to acknowledge or enjoy the Holy Day (holiday).So when someone says shop early, it is wise to try.  Unfortunately, a familiar question is presented that can really weigh down the person asking it:  "What do you want?".  That question has taken joy away from the very idea of what a gift should be, specifically, the gift is simply someone thinks wonderfully of you and wants to share with you that thought. 

A dear friend expressed that he taught his children that the gift wasn't what was inside the wrappings but was the package itself.  He encouraged his children not to open the gift until a day when they were experiencing difficult times, and to open the gift at that time.  Well, I used that advise one year, and I must say it became a life changing event.  I had no idea when I would be in need of opening the gift, or when I needed to do so.  However, the day arrived.  Nothing was right in my world.  As I felt the weight pulling me downward, my eyes gazed upon the "gift" waiting for me.  As I opened it, the events causing my heavy heart began to leave. Once open, the gift allowed me to remember the person's kindness and caring.  Sadness was gone, the weight that pulled me down was no longer there.  I had learned what the wrappings concealed the true meaning behind what was inside, and that what was inside really didn't matter until the moment that I needed it.

So, it is six months to Christmas.  Begin you shopping now by finding several envelopes, and placing the name of each person you want to give a gift to this Christmas on the outside of the envelope.  Following that task, pick up a pen and some paper of miscellaneous size and color.  Now, think of any of the people whose names have been written on the various envelopes.  Has that person gone out of their way to show you some kindness?  Has that person made your life special in any way?  Has that person helped you and made your day brighter in some fashion?  Well, write it down.  Tell that person how they made a difference in your life. It doesn't take much time, and shouldn't be lengthy.  Now, place that paper into that person's envelope. Each time you think of some kindness, some surprise gesture, something that surprised you and made you happy, write it down and place it into that person's envelope.   By the time December 15th comes around, you will be amazed about the fullness of each envelope.  It won't matter what kind of gift you purchase, as your hand written notes will provide the greatest gift of all---yourself.

Happy Blessed Christmas, six months early!!!!!!!!!

Pain

Pain has become part of my life since my car accident in January 2006.  In attempts to diminish it, medication, meditation, physical therapy, prayer, and a TENS unit have partnered together. Yet, pain continues to reveal its' ugly head again and again, breaking through the combination that have keep it quieted to a one to two.  Today the pain pushed me to the point of inability to attend Mass, the sixth time this year.  Even trying to work has been overwhelming, with me now going part time from full time...with little hope for the pain to ever be controlled as it had been.  How odd that my life has changed so radically due to the accident!

Holy Trinity, I offer you my pain in union with the suffering of the whole church to save souls....  Thank you for Ministry to the Sick, who brought me Eucharist this morning.